Regina Spektor at the Moody Theater (08/05/2025)

Going to see Regina Spektor perform was a mistake. Which is confusing because I feel like finding out she was touring kicked me out of the depressed stage of I-am-old-and-doing-nothing-with-my-life to full on participating in my mid-life crisis with glee. The enthusiasm and discovery that she was coming to town made me look into other shows. I found that the music scene in Austin is not dead and dropped some cash on people I have to see.

She was the soundtrack to my indie high school years. From one mentally unstable teen to another, I heard Regina Spektor played on someone else’s iPod Nano on the ride to their house during lunch. I then downloaded all that I could (viruses included) using my LimeWire account so I could burn CDs, that I would play when driving coworkers to our scammy job selling laptops at a booth in the mall. And thus the contagion was spread from one girl to another in our high school.

While those friendships may have crashed and burned, I still know some people with the nostalgia for her music and those years, so this was a concert at the Moody Theater that I attended with friends. One of which knew how insufferable I was at that time and still stuck around, to see me wear a thrifted dress 20 years later that I insist is giving Mod Cloth vibes (it was a light blue, sheer, with a Peter Pan color, and little mushrooms all over).

We took photos as we walked the dizzying heights to get to our balcony seats. Perfect for social media, the exercise, and I will say price for the seats. There is not a bad spot in this venue, just more expensive and better ones. I went with the side balcony that overlooks the stage and for most of the performance we could almost see her facial expressions as she played the piano. Or maybe someone with better vision could, even with my contacts I don’t have the best low light vision.

The other show I have gone to for this venue (that I recall) was Louis C.K., before he got called out for being a creep. And after this show, plus some of the others that they have on their calendar, I will say that they do not turn down a performer with controversy to their name (as Louis C.K. has several upcoming shows in the next few months, as well as Matt Rife). Also their drinks are expensive, but that is to be expected.

Right before her show, like a week before, Reddit explodes with drama from an earlier performance in which Palestinian protesters used her concert as a time to call out the genocide in Gaza. She did not handle it the way I would like, and from the too late research I ended up doing, I found out I was supporting someone who was lacking in the type of empathy I hope to see in others. From her Wikipedia page, she does not see herself as a Zionist but the inability to separate the Israeli goals from how it created an unjust state on lands that it is occupying is hard to get over. THE GUILT WAS EATING ME ALIVE. As it should.

I did not need to worry, because the crowd was not going to cause a scene that would create a moral conundrum (should I walk out with the others). I got to be a coward and enjoy the show. As a crowd we were uniform looking acolytes, or as my friend yelled at me in half mocking drunken rage after, “You all look like trad wives!” Yes I was wearing pearl studs to go with my dress, so he wasn’t wrong, especially as he felt truly alone and not represented in the crowd. In Austin, the venue was packed and we were not going to disappoint their quirky songstress.

The songs she played were perfect solo performances in which she moved from piano to electric guitar to stomping and then back to piano. There was a range of songs, although there was no “Samson,” I heard “Us,” “Après Moi,” and “That Time.” So she played a smattering of songs from each album, but the key word was solo. It was just her, her voice, the instrument, and a light show. It was a bit selfish, she even did a self indulgent rendition of the song named after her “Reginasaurus.”

I felt emotion, but it wasn’t just her words or singing it was the arrangement. How can I recapture driving around after curfew with my window rolled down singing “Us” at the top of my youthful lungs as I coat them with tar, getting cool air and being able to run with it instead of my broken a/c, back before it became forever hot and impossible to do.

Her views, or lack of solidarity is heavy on my mind. At the same time, I want to see her paying musicians to give us a full experience when she is on tour. So I did the least I could do, which was ignore the merch booth. Listen, I am a consumer and I will buy a t-shirt and other things so I can wear it in public. I am actively trying to get people to ojo me with envy, it gives me life. But not this show.

Maybe for Blonde Redhead?! Unless, there is something I should look into…

Alice Longyu Gao at the 29th St Ballroom (05/10/2025)

I went to a show. I drove, at night, by myself to campus during graduation weekend and parked at the abandoned Trudy’s. The last time I was there, Trudy’s was maybe not abandoned and Spider House Cafe might still have been called that. The one time I ate at that Trudy’s, they had profiled my friend and refused to serve him alcohol with his paper ID. That had to been over ten years ago.

Because you know, I am old. 

I think I hit my post baby stride. It only took four years. Judging by this excursion, and the three other tickets I bought in less then a month for two upcoming concerts and a music festival, I want to get back to my youth. Be a cool hot mom who did not lose herself. Skanking it up in a monogamous way and through my love of music. 

That is why I thought my first solo show out should be Alice Longyu Gao at the 29th St Ballroom. I had fun, it was a success, and I am not here with any regrets. But like all my experiences I live in my head, so any distasteful or cunty tone to be found in this recollection is because the stress killed my fun and it is easier to judge then to be vulnerable, or some other justification an old cynic would say.

I claimed to my husband I had been to a show there before, but now that I think about it maybe I was morphing the unfinished space with any number of venues that benefit from their location within the live music capital of the world. Got an unfinished and sloping cement floor, an exposed ceiling that you can throw a grid up with random lights and speakers you gutted from another business? Then all you need is a rudimentary bar with the IPAs and hard seltzers that are popular with 20 years olds that is your target audience, two stall bathrooms if you are classy (single style shit-holes for the gents and gals if you are not), and a DJ booth that was pulled from a defunct strip club (that may have gone out of business because their set up was so outdated).

What makes 29th St Ballroom unique is that the women’s restroom has a wallpaper theme on the upper half of the walls. It is plastered with the pages from the book that is the plot device for the movie The Ninth Gate. It seemed random, but maybe I needed to wander around some more in order to see the other signs or references to the movie throughout the space.

Or shit, maybe me entering the venue was me entering the ninth gate?

If we go back to initial impressions, I was not into the opening act. So, a maybe on the hell thing.

The Dallas Cowboys is a duo of tall young masked batmen, who the headliner would later confirm is not actually from Dallas. 

I did not get nor like the opener. Like a short grumpy thumb in fishnet, I stood out towards the back, scowling at their earnest rendition of their hits. I came in late, so I did not have to hear the whole thing, but from what I could tell they were energetic crowd pleasers. Those up front to the “stage" bopped and thrashed about as the two jumped into a song from the album they wrote about the Bob’s Burgers movie. I think they were disappointed and channeled their frustration into an art concept album they named Louise. They explained themselves, but since I was being a curmudgeon this paragraph is half correct and something I should fact check.

I was stoked when they announced they were playing their last song, but then I stifled a groan when I heard the non-hoodie batman mention that it would be a throwback to their ska days. I am not a ska fan, and when I mentioned being a skank early I was describing my base sleazy nature, one that does not involve horns. Anyway, their crowd went wild and I kept my distance.

Once it was over, I shuffled my way closer to the stage. I felt more comfortable stretching and dancing to the mix of dance and rap that played between their sets and before Alice Longyu Gao performed, but as the crowd closed in that panic of being surrounded stiffened my movement. Now that a couple of days have passed, I can reflect on how nothing bad happened, the music was great, and being more free to jump around would still result in having fun, but I also mentioned in the beginning that I had no regrets and that is more true.

This was an intimate show, but not like that time the Ataris played at the White Rabbit in San Antonio (I was one of five in the audience and that my have been generous/me counting some staff). I was never good at guesstimating though, so around fifty? Her crowd seemed to double in size, a chemical reaction caused by the energy she brought, it helped the group grow as they pulsated to her beats.

Alice Longyu Gao came onto stage with a half size harp, her laptop, and controller and was ready to perform after a brief sound check. Her energy from the start to finish matches the genre she is known for, hyper pop, with quick songs that are fun, inappropriate, and relatable to the party kids of today. She is a weirdo in the coolest way, she uses her random thoughts as irreverent subject material worthy of a song that is as eclectic as the elements she incorporates into the music. All of which fits into the theme of the tour, and the feeling that she is branding herself successfully to a queer subculture that could appreciate her genius. 

This tour is about a debut trilogy (and her claiming that she is so badass that she gets three debuts at once). Not knowing the music industry, or what factors into how music is released, I feel that a lot of this is on the artist to market and set up. 

She selected different, but popular songs, from the three EPs she has released, with a visual artwork and screener playing in the background containing the song title and symbols important to the piece. Her EPs are a mix of metal and pop, and her lyrics and ability to hit the line begs for her audience to jump (except for me - my knees are wrecked from years of living and dropping it low). Before each song she would tell a story or give context, at one point apologizing for her voice giving out since The Dallas Cowboys were smokers who encourage the habit. She did not need to, it did not seem as bad as she may have thought and any rawness on her vocals works with her style of pop.

While she mentioned an achievement (that her song “Gnarly” was number one on Spotify under a pop artist group), she did not play the song other than to give some context to why she think things are gnarly. That is a fine song, but not the only one to show off her perception of American and California culture. A man singing about loving Korean girls, hearting lesbians, or being big in Brazil - questionable and not at all surprising when they are exposed for being a dirt bag, but when coming from Alice Longyu Gao…let me dance to it (and I would be shocked and asking where were the signs if she was ever canceled)!

The show was well paced and quick. I believe the only song that I missed hearing or was not played was “.Sex”. It makes sense if it wasn’t played, since it is an intimate track (that word again).

She prefaced the last song by warning us there would be no encore (and with no mention of ska). She kept to her word and ended the night by saying once again “no encore,” but also emphasized being safe when getting home. And I was, even when driving past someone rolling around campus with no lights, I was home by midnight.

If it was hell, I got to breathe in the youthful and pungent air and to leave unscathed. I was able to walk back out to my reality. So yeah, definitely worth it.

The New Jim Crow and my current state (of sadness)

Okay, I am willing to admit it I am hitting that overwhelming and constant depressed feeling. It could be the time of year, but really I think I am falling into despair because of the events that we are finding ourselves in. I have been thinking and over analyzing my part in everything and now I am too critical and at a critical point. 

The things I am clinging onto as my joy, in a way to reverse psychology myself into a delusional state, are not working. Just know that there was a crush of overwhelming shame and sadness and fatalism when my eyes go dead for a second.

I may need to take a break on the serious non-fiction reads, from the shit that is happening overseas to what we are dealing with in our own backyards, I need to find a more sustainable consumption rate. 

I finished The New Jim Crow and then tried to jump into a book mentioned, and because the subject matter is pertinent and about home I found myself succumbing to defeat, when these books are meant to advocate and illuminate our current surroundings. Not the authors fault at all, just trying to make sense of where I am.

Michelle Alexander’s critical look at how the current policies and response to the emancipation of enslaved people, and how it lead us to the current criminal state, makes it an important work when it comes to understanding American society today. As a civil rights lawyers who is passionate to tell a collective history that she is part of, I can see how this may not be for everyone and yet I would say it should be required reading for all Americans. Her passion and anger in the injustice of it all is clear throughout, her skill and intelligence as a lawyer means that there is indisputable data and citations to support her arguments and conclusions, and though nearly 15 years old and missing some of the new crimes that the police state has wrought on people of color - it is still relevant to what is going on this moment.

The author shows how the current criminal justice system is biased, set to disenfranchise large segments of American society, and the many political and supreme court decisions that created this beast. While the end offers some solutions, what this work does is expose the complexity and similarity with the new system that took over for Jim Crow, so the end result would call for radical restructuring and dismantling of those systems.

Maybe you could see how I am feeling in the face of this, especially since in Texas it is an upwards battle to have those in power recognize the rights of anyone that isn’t a rich white man. 

To feel sad is to have an heart. To be human is to be fucked up. But I have to remember that at least I feel shame and that one day I may have the chance to do right and make up for all the micro and outright aggressions I have shown others in my life. It is not like I made a law that made it impossible for others to get a settlement that I had previously sought and won for myself, became governor, and then allowed women and children to die because of my bonkers border policies. 

My sad girl playlist for the day while writing:

1. Let’s Have a War - A Perfect Circle

2. I Don’t Want to Know - Fleetwood Mac

3. Two-Timing Touch and Broken Bones - The Hives

4. Budget - Megan the Stallion and Latto

5. Eli, the Barrow Boy - The Decembrists

6. Mr. P.C. - John Coltrane

7. You’re a Woman, I’m a Machine _ Death from Above 1979

8. You Wouldn’t Like Me - The Beths

9. A Strange Day - The Cure

10. Three Days - Jane’s Addiction